I hope that you're all doing wonderfully and feel happy. This week for me was a bit difficult in some respects, but nice in others. I'm trying to keep positive about it now, but just two days ago I was pretty distressed about the administrative situation that I've blocked myself into here in the office.
So, the bad news first and then the awesome stuff. The bad news is that I am a still somewhat irresponsible twenty year-old who has a lot responsibilities on his shoulders. To make a long story short, I didn't consult really anyone on any of my decisions, and without realizing it, had moved around missionaries in several houses without advising President when those were actually special cases where I should've been talking with President McMullin. So, what that meant is that we had one not so unpleasant encounter with a lawyer where I just sat there like a helpless child (I was able to go back the next day and be a man and the situation was resolved without pain), and then in another house, it meant that even though we had moved in, I pulled the missionaries out to undo other mistakes. It was a mess and still isn't all cleaned up. Hence, the lesson isn't evidently totally learned, and when the punishment is finished out I can finally feel good about how things are going in the mission.
Why did I want to talk so much about this trial? Well, I'm learning a lot from it actually. I've learned a lot of humility and more than anything I'm learning a lesson that I haven't been able to grasp for a really long time, or really my whole life. Sometimes, we do things that we really can't excuse. We mess up when we should've known and done better, when we just either sin or make mistakes that are totally without justification and we just have to put ourselves before the Judge and say "I plead Guilty." These mistakes were all my own and I mean that sincerely. But any mistake or sin in which I do as I know I should not has always brought up a conundrum for me. I always get so frustrated and just feel like I should be perfect now. Everyone always says that you can't be perfect now, but I've never been able to understand why not. Why can we just not do things that we know are wrong? I know about making stupid mistakes that you don't catch or for ignorance, but when we knowingly mess up? I've always been really hard on that.
So, I've just had to kneel down before God and ask Him about that, and I think that even though I still don't understand everything about it, I am able to feel in my heart so much more this simple truth.
The Atonement of Christ is to justify the unjustified sinner by repentance.
In reality, repentance isn't merely changing the sinful thoughts and behaviors that we once were committing ignorantly, but it is much greater than just that. It also is changing and trying to make up for the mistakes we knowingly commit. It is bringing up as much money as we can to buy our freedom from the jail sentence we put ourselves into.
That's the beauty of the Atonement. Now I'm seeing that there are situations when the sum total of our repentance doesn't come close to repairing the damage we've done through sin, but when we bring it before God as our offering alongside our broken heart and contrite spirit, Christ makes up all the difference. We all have heard this so many times, but I know that it's true.
So, I can walk away at the end of this week, and though according to justice everything is not okay, I can honestly say that everything is okay. We have to be diligent and do all we can, but at the same time, when we are doing all we can, we must "be still and know that (He) is God." It's really beautiful.
In other news, the baptism that was supposed to happen was postponed because her family couldn't come and furthermore, she was sick and couldn't meet with us. So, I'll get back to you next week on when it's happening.
Victor Fariña, the inactive member who's striving to come back, now has come to church twice and yesterday came with us (he and his wife I should say) to an Area meeting about strengthening marriages, and it was so beautiful! I got to hear Elder and Sister Christofferson and Elder and Sister Nelson give their best advice about forming a strong marriage. You better believe I took notes for the future!!! But it was really nice, and Elder Christofferson's Spanish is as great as ever. I love this inactive member though, he's doing so much to change and just throwing himself into it without reservation. They both want it so badly that they just don't let things stand in their way. I love seeing their dedication and it's something I want to reflect.
That's going to have to be it for this week seeing as I'm totally out of time. I love you all and I'm so grateful for all that you do!
Love,
Elder Harris
No comments:
Post a Comment